Tis the Season

So now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, Christmas festivities begin.  Hanging decorations, putting up lights, getting the christmas tree...it's all very "lifetime movie" esque.

My family, per my insistence, has a yearly tradition of trekking out into the wild (a tree farm in Utica...and by that I mean somewhere in Ohio that feels forever away) to hand pick and chop down our family Christmas tree. Before you get a gleam of Christmas cheer in your face, you should probably know the facts.

First, we take the dogs. Mine and my parents along for the ride. It can go one of two ways... pleasant snoring from the back, OR (the more likely option) my dog climbing back and forth over the seat to sit in my lap, check out the snacks, lick my eye...the usual.

Second, my parents and I have a different idea of what constitutes Christmas music. While packed in the SUV, I insist (every year since its release) that we jam to NSYNC Christmas. Is it really too much to ask to enjoy boy bands during the holidays?

Third, once we arrive the searching commences. My mom always selects the first tree she sees and is CONVINCED it's THE PERFECT one. The reason for this is because she wants to go home because my sister and I have annoyed the hell out of her by now. And more often than not, her selection is...well...awful.

Fourth. You should know I am a Christmas tree connoisseur. Since childhood my parents have made my sister and I "take turns" picking the tree. Note the " ". Obviously my eye for pine needle perfection cannot be suppressed. So, for several years running I have been able to convince my sister that she picked the tree last year.

It goes: "Jessica, it's my turn! You picked it last year!"
Me: "Lies! You always say that just because you want to get your way. I can't believe you're being so selfish!"

So, later after we've strapped my selection to the roof of the previously mentioned SUV, we begin the drive home. This is where the tradition SHOULD end.

Fifth. The ride home. Well, it goes like this:
"Hun, I don't think you tied the tree on tight enough. I think it's moving"-Mom
"No, I did. It's fine. Stop watching it." -Dad
"I'm not. I'm watching the shadow...OH! I heard something move...what if a squirrel is in there...we should have brought more rope.... Should we pull over to tighten it?...Jessica, stick your arm out and try to hold the tree on to the roof."- Mom


So, can't you see why I refuse to let my parents get a fake tree? What a hassle....