Moose

Our neighbors were ambitious enough to welcome a small, black lab puppy into their homes last spring. They named him Moose and at the time, I had no idea how fitting this name would become. 

As a general rule, I think people should buy appropriate puppy gear before investing in the actual animal. My neighbors skipped this (key) step. 

For several weeks, Moose was led around on a red rope looped around his neck, no collar, no nothing, just Moose. His owner tried diligently to teach him the basics: sit, stay, come, stop chewing on my hand, no don't pee there, cut it out! You know, the basics. Well, to put it bluntly, his owner failed... miserably.

No big deal, right? 

The weather started to get colder and I saw less and less of Moose because I assume he's been confined to his inner sanctum where I'm sure he terrorizes the hell out of everyone. 

Keep in mind, the last time I saw Moose he still resembled a small, enthusiastic puppy, not quite able to put one foot in front of the other without swaying.

Tonight however, I had the privilege of getting reacquainted with Moose in the most unfortunate of circumstances. Walking to my truck this evening (I parked 2 blocks from my house...long story) I was briskly turning the corner, concentrating on the ground so as not to slip on all the snow and ice, when I hear the all too familiar jingle of dog tags coming in my direction.

Whipping my head up I see a 70 pound black creature barreling straight at me through the snow with complete ease. Clumps of snow are flying through the air in slow motion as club like paws claw at the ground, quickly gaining momentum. And, running at me with little coordination and great speed is Moose. Fucking Moose. 

I stood frozen (literally and figuratively) deciding what to do. 

If I don't move, maybe he won't see me. No! If I use my ninja-like reflexes, I can just jump OVER him once he gets to me. No! I'll rapid fire snow balls at his face long enough to scurry away. NO!.... As you may have guessed by this time Moose has reached me. I closed my eyes, braced myself for the blow (and most likely death) and waited...and waited... After deciding I wasn't dead, I opened my eyes just in time to see Moose miss me completely, hit the snow and ice covered road and go slip sliding away down the street.

For the record, while he was sliding away, I bid him farewell and I noticed no collar, no nothing... just Moose.